Not Another Soldier Read online

  “I wasn’t actually arrested, you know.”

  Nick shudders ever so slightly. The smallest of movements as if he’s trying very hard to suppress his emotions. A pang strikes me. Nick’s so used to taking care of people, including me. No doubt, he feels like this was somehow all his fault. I put a hand over his as it still grips the wheel. It makes my palm prickle but I force my hand to remain there.

  “Thank you, Nick. For everything. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

  He gives me a soft smile, one that has his eyes crinkling in the corners and almost turns me into a puddle in my seat. “You don’t need to thank me, babe. You know I’d do anything for you.”

  I turn away and draw in a slow breath. Seriously? Who talks like that? The man is too much for me to handle. Opening the door, I climb out and he follows.

  “You don’t need to come up,” I say lightly.

  “Just making sure you get home safe.”

  “And here I am. All safe.” I spread my arms wide as he comes to my side. He gives me an assessing look, a frank appraisal that has me shuddering slightly.

  “Looks that way.”

  Now he looks regretful. Shit, I can’t take much more of this. If I’m not careful, I’m going to jump into his arms again, regardless of the consequences.

  “Thanks for seeing me home,” I say softly because I am grateful and I still don’t feel like he gets just how grateful. I’m not sure he’ll ever understand how important he is to me. And I don’t know if I can say it as he might think it means I want something more.

  And I don’t.

  “Anytime.” He pauses for a moment. “Let me see you to your door.”

  I open my mouth to argue and then think twice about it. There’s no harm in letting him do what he feels he needs to do, and I really don’t want to fight with him. His footsteps sound behind me as I climb the stairs and I’m acutely aware of each one. As I press the code into the door, I sense him near my back, though I know he’s keeping a respectful distance.

  I push through the door and climb the stairs, wondering what I’m going to say when we reach the top. I need to establish some boundaries that say we can be together, just as friends. Something to encourage the whole ‘friendship’ thing and definitely not the ‘sex’ thing. Problem is, Nick makes that damned difficult because every time I look at him I think of sex.

  I slow my pace as I reach the top and scowl. My front door is slightly ajar. I left in a hurry and was a little preoccupied, but I’m really careful about my door. I got locked out of our military house once and had to get a locksmith to com out. The whole thing was a real pain so I always double check I’ve got my keys and ensure the door is shut properly.

  Nick curls a hand around my arm and holds me back slightly as we reach the top of the stairs. “Just wait a minute,” he says before stepping past me.

  He moves stealthily as if approaching enemy territory rather than my apartment, but my stomach feels like it’s in my throat. The realization as to why my door is open strikes as I see the splintered door frame.

  Nick disappears into my place with a quick glance at me and I wait, arms clutched around myself. My breaths sound loud to my ears. It feels like he’s gone ages so I step in myself. It’s my home and I can’t believe I’m being such a wimp. What if Nick hadn’t been here? I really need to learn to stand on my own two feet.

  My jaw drops as I survey my living room. The couch is overturned, vases smashed, drawers riffled though. My bookcase has been emptied and all my books are scattered across the floor, their pages spread out and crumpled.

  A creak makes me jump and I spin toward the double doors, my heart throbbing.

  “Sienna, you should have waited outside.”

  I gulp. “Is it like this in the rest of the apartment too?”

  He nods slowly and I gape around. It sounds silly but I can’t take my eyes off the big vase that I’d put next to my bookcase. It was cream and so heavy, and maybe not even that pretty, but it was mine. One of the first things I bought when I signed the lease for the apartment. It was a symbol of me being on my own and having my own stuff. And now it’s cracked in two, having been carelessly thrown to the floor. I press my fingers to my eyes to prevent the tears from coming.

  And then Nick’s arms are around me, a shield of comfort. I don’t cry, just sniffle a little. I think I’m still in shock, but listening to his steady heartbeat through his chest calms me as my head moves with the rise and fall of his breaths. His hands stroke my hair and I know if I tilt my head up, a kiss will probably be waiting for me.

  I don’t though. Somehow, I manage to keep a hold on my sanity.

  I inch away slightly but his arms remain around me. “I wasn’t gone that long. How did they know?”

  Nick’s expression looks regretful. “I think whoever did this was probably watching.” He steps back to survey the damage but grips one of my hands.

  When I glance down at our joined hands, I’m struck by how right it looks. Large and small. Light and dark. They fit perfectly together. Then I remember that my home is trashed and such thoughts seem ridiculous.

  “Can you see if anything is missing?”

  I run my gaze across the room and shake my head. “Not that I can see. I don’t really own much of value anyway. They didn’t even take the TV.”

  Interestingly the large flat screen is completely untouched as is my stereo on the bookcase.

  “Do you have any jewelry, valuables?”

  “A few rings. Nothing particularly valuable though.”

  “Where are they?”

  “In my jewelry box.” I motion to my bedroom.

  I cringe as he raises a brow at me. Okay, perhaps I should have had a less obvious place to keep them but I never really expected to get robbed. Guess I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.

  My kitchen is a mess. Nick guides me through and I try to avoid looking at the emptied drawers and the utensils thrown carelessly on the floor. My bedroom doesn’t fare much better. It looks as though they’ve lifted the mattress as it’s now crooked. The sheets are still rumpled and sadly that was my fault. I couldn’t bring myself to touch them after Nick left. Stark memories of his hard naked body spread across them assail me. My body tenses at the thought.

  He releases my hand and I miss the warmth. I go straight for the jewelry box on my dressing table. It’s open, beads and necklaces hanging out of it and I pick my way through the contents.

  “Nothing’s missing,” I say in surprise.

  “You sure?” Nick comes to my side and studies my jewelry as if he knows more about my stuff than I do.

  “Yeah, even the most valuable stuff like…” I throw a wary glance at him, “like my wedding ring.” I tug out the gold band with little diamonds embedded in it. “This is probably the only valuable thing I own. Why didn’t they take it?”

  His jaw is tense, eyes narrow as he stares at the ring. I slip it back into the jewelry box. It seems to snap him out of whatever he was thinking and he shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t think this was a robbery.”

  “Then what was it? Some kids messing around?”

  “If it was kids then why didn’t they break the TV? Or spray paint the place? And why your place? It would have been easier to break into the apartment below.”

  “Christ, thanks, Nick,” I whisper when a chill seeps into me.

  I don’t even notice I’m shaking until he eases me into the side of him and escorts me to the kitchen. Shoving the mess aside with his foot, he practically puts me on a bar stool and sets up the coffee pot.

  “We’d better call the police,” he states.

  “Why? What am I going to say? Someone broke in and made a mess?”

  “It doesn’t matter, babe. You still need to report it. Maybe they can get some fingerprints.”

  “Fine.”

  To be honest it’s bad enough I’ve had someone in here, trashing my stuff, but the idea of the cops pawing through it too makes my stomach twist
. He’s right though. He pulls his cell out of his pocket and I shake my head as I reach for the house phone.

  It’s so very easy to let Nick do everything. He has that kind of take charge manner that makes you feel all small and protected. As much as I like it, I need to assert some kind of independence again. After all, I’m supposed to be proving to myself I can do it all on my own. I let Rob railroad me once. I’m not going to let that happen again.

  I finally get through to a dispatcher and they promise to have someone over shortly. Now I just have to wait, not touch anything and stare at the mess someone has made of my first decent home.

  But actually it’s a good thing because it seems to create some kind of anger in me. I’d rather be angry than feeling sorry for myself. How dare someone come in and trash my home? I was just getting on my feet and now this? Nick hands me a coffee and I clutch my hand tightly around it, making my knuckles white, as he leans across the breakfast bar opposite me.

  “I don’t get it, Nick. Why?”

  I hear his long inhale and wait for what he has to say. I know it’s not going to be good by the furrow in his brow, as if he’s deciding whether to protect me from his thoughts or not.

  “It’s pretty strange.” He glances around. “If they didn’t want valuables—and not trying to be rude, but this isn’t exactly the wealthiest of buildings—then I think they were looking for something.”

  They? I don’t even know who they are. That’s the worst thing. Up against some unknown entity. “But what could they be looking for? We’ve already established I don’t have anything of value and it’s not like I’m a… a secret agent or something. I’m a nurse for Godsakes. Hardly anyone important.”

  He fixes his gaze on me. “Now that’s not true, sweetheart.”

  I wave my hand, dismissing his words. Not that they don’t strike me but I can’t focus on stuff like that right now. I want to think about why he said it. To wonder if he means I’m important to him or to the nursing world or what, but for now I need to figure out why the hell someone would turn my apartment upside down.

  “Seriously, though. What could I have? I hardly look like the type to have government secrets or millions stashed away.”

  “Let’s just wait and see what the cops say. Perhaps they’ll find some fingerprints and be able to bring someone in.”

  “I hope so. It makes me nervous to think of someone out there, watching me. What if I’d come home earlier and interrupted them?”

  His gaze darkens and he straightens. “Let’s not think about that.”

  “Well, maybe I should think about it. Maybe I should get a gun or something.”

  He groans as if the idea of me having a gun pains him.

  “What? I can shoot. Sort of.”

  “Yeah, right. Sienna, you’re all city girl. The idea of you running around with a gun… well, it scares the hell out of me.”

  “But me running unarmed into someone in my apartment doesn’t?”

  Nick pinches the bridge of his nose and eyes me. “All of it scares me. The thought of something happening to you probably scares me more than anything.”

  The tone of his voice is deep and intense. Actually the way he says it sends a tremor to my toes. Sometimes I wish Nick wasn’t so upfront and honest. He makes me confront things that I really don’t even want to think about.

  Like the fact that maybe he cares for me way more than he should. And maybe I care for him more than is good for me. It’s going to make resisting him much harder than I realized.

  I fight the urge to groan too. As if it isn’t hard enough already.

  Chapter Five

  Nick

  We walk down to the coffee place on the corner when the cops turn up. I had to get Sienna out of there. It’s bad enough all her stuff’s been trashed but she doesn’t need to see the forensics team pawing through it. I’m jumpy. My body is tense and every shadow screams danger to me. I long to wrap an arm around her shoulders but I don’t know if she’ll let me.

  Besides I’m trying not to let on how terrified I am for her. Something is off. Her nearly being attacked, almost ending up in jail and now this… I don’t like it and my instincts are telling me there’s something more than straight bad luck behind it. The possibility that it’s linked to Rob’s illegal activities plays in the back of my mind, but I don’t want to say anything yet. She’s scared enough as it is, in spite of the brave front she’s putting on.

  I’m just hoping the cops will figure out who it was and we can put it all behind us. And Sienna and I can move on. I glance at her cute profile and put a hand to her back as I usher her into the coffee shop. Without a word, she heads for the leather couches at the back and sinks onto one while I get our drinks. I know what she likes so I order her a vanilla latte. Hell, I know a lot more about Sienna than anyone in my life really. Those six months of practically living in each other’s pockets taught me a lot about her.

  She wraps her arms around herself. I guess I didn’t realize quite how hard it would be to let Rob go though. I assumed she’d just be glad to be rid of him. I kinda thought she’d miraculously return to the girl she was. Well, it’s not like I don’t like a challenge. When I returned from Afghanistan, they weren’t sure I was going to walk and I did that. I conquered my injury.

  I can’t resist a smug grin. I’ll conquer Sienna too.

  Sienna smiles gratefully when I hand her the coffee and she cups her hands around it. I sit next to her, not too close, and I can see the door from where I am. At the moment, everyone looks suspicious to me. The guy in the corner on his laptop. The two men in suits by the door. Even the young girl on her phone. I regret not having been there for her. It eats at me, reminds me of feeling powerless—like when soldiers were falling about me, riddled with bullets. For the briefest moment I can smell the sweat, hear the gunfire and screams—even taste the sand. Sienna presses a hand gently to my arm, drawing my attention to her.

  “You don’t have to look like you want to kill everyone, you know?”

  “Sorry,” I say with a bashful grin. “I’m just on edge.”

  “Yeah, me too.” She sips her coffee and sighs. “Do you think it will take long?”

  “What? The forensics?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I have no idea. Are you tired?”

  “No…” On cue, she yawns and we both laugh. “I shouldn’t be. I slept all day after…” Her cheeks turn crimson. “After my night shift. I’d still be at work right now if it hadn’t been for all this.”

  The temptation to mention what really exhausted her is unbearable, but as much as I want to push things forward—yeah I think I’m going to have to push Sienna when it comes to us—she doesn’t need it right now.

  “You’ve had a lot of shocks today. I’m not surprised you’re tired.” I lounge back on the couch in an attempt to look a little more relaxed, though I don’t feel it, and hope she will follow suit. From the moment I got her call from the station, I’ve been wound tight. I don’t think she’s figured out quite how scared for her I was. I must have driven like a maniac to get her. “You’re not working tomorrow, right?”

  She shakes her head. “No, I’ve got two days off anyway.”

  “What? You’ve actually got a Sunday off?”

  “I know, right?”

  Really it’s amazing she’s got time off at all. Hospitals are always understaffed but I’m convinced Sienna puts in way more hours than anyone. She keeps going on about wanting to be strong and independent, but she doesn’t get that I already see strength in her. The woman goes to work smiling, deals with all sorts of crap, works all hours for no thanks, and still comes out with a smile. I don’t suppose she’ll ever understand how much I admire her for it. In this day and age, I don’t know, sometimes it feels like people want a quick buck and don’t want to work for it. It’s one of the reasons she’ll be an incredible mother. She has that nurturing thing down to an art.

  I shake away the thoughts. I need to learn to concentrate on
the task at hand. For some reason, my mind keeps leaping like five years ahead and picturing her pregnant with my child. And as much as I want that, I would rather be imagining her naked.

  Shit.

  I hardly know if either is going to be possible and now I’m imagining both. I’m planning out our whole future and she’s just sitting there innocently drinking her coffee. I admire her lips as they form an ‘o’ to blow on her coffee. Then I imagine them pouty, waiting for my kiss. She’s almost naked. Wearing a little slip of panties. Let’s make them red. I’ve already taken her hair down and it’s around her shoulders, brushing the tops of her breasts. And then she’s leaning forward and her lips are still puckered and she’s going to…

  I groan and she darts a puzzled look at me. Fuck, I must have groaned aloud. So much for keeping my mind on track. I fidget, grateful I’m still wearing sweatpants and not jeans.

  “How was your shift last night anyway?” I ask lamely. I need something to distract myself from all the hot imaginings I’m having and she needs to forget about her trashed apartment.

  “Not great, to be honest.”

  God, now I feel like an asshole.

  “One of our patients crashed. He was pretty old but we thought he was going to be okay. It wasn’t… pleasant.” She stares at her coffee. “I don’t think I’ve seen one like that in a while actually.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry, Sienna.”

  Sienna offers me a small smile. “Yeah, I haven’t had the best luck today, have I?”

  I put a hand to her shoulder and give it a quick squeeze. Somehow even that turns me on, the feel of her delicate form under my palm. Probably because I remember what it was like when she had nothing on.

  “I haven’t really helped, have I?” I’m feeling so guilty right now. She’s been through more than anyone should have to cope with in their lifetime all in one day and I stormed off like a sulking little boy. Possibly when she needed help most.

  “I don’t blame you for being pissed at me, Nick. I was pretty rude. You’ve done a lot for me and I’ll always be grateful for your friendship.”